my life sucks

My life fucking sucks. I mean at this moment, not always ofcourse. 

Actually, most times everything is allright, I really don’t need to complain. I really don’t want to pay too much attention to the bad feelings I often have.  I can feel so completely lost in my sadness.  But as long as I still feel emotions,  nothing bad is going on. You really  got a problem when you loose contact with emotions. I can tell, I have been there, you know. (that's what I tell you in my song "Beggars".) 

Me, looking in the mirror in a toilet

Why I am writing this down is because I find myself writing a new song and again this song is about how life really is: it can be freaking hard but please, take it as easy as possible, let me hug you because everything is about LOVE. Don’t let your MIND telling fucking lies to your HEART!  

Love, I hate that word. The most cliche thing I ever heard. 

But still. After half of a century living on this earth ( am I dreaming?) I can only admitt that’s all about love. I have been struggling with this fact because I am cynical and down to earth. But feeling that you are beloved, feeling you love somebody, that people like you and that you can be who you really are, are the most important things to experience.  I wrote some songs about what ’s really going on in my life: I know nothing and that’s for sure. I even don't know anything about love. What I know is that I am the witness of being ME.  People in the audience tell me that these kind of songs of mine comfort them. I think that's important and I am happy I can give this comfort. But...

Well, and how about me, myself? I am stucked in mental depressions, I go up and down, up and down and I hardly talk about it. But what do I do? Yes. I write songs. To myself. To tell myself what’s going on. So I wrote this summer ‘Changed” and “Blue Rain”. And now I write a song telling myself that everything is alright. “Walk with me and let it go”.  I write these kind of songs and I should listen more to myself when I sing them... to me. To you. Those words are for you. And me. Best songs are written in hard times. 

Okay, my life sucks. I see many things happening around me. I am not talking about the political rubbish. I am talking about personal histories. My pupils, just young children and their families.

My own kids. Neighbors, friends. What’s going on?

Everything will pass. Every cloud comes and goes. Still. I feel this pain in my body. Everywhere. This sadness. This feeling of: why was I born anyways? It’s all to difficult for me. All this shit.

Don’t worry about me. I know myself very well. I will survive. Anything. So will you.

And at least, I got my music. And I need to share it. 

Guitar broke... but ...

Most embarrassing thing happened in my musical carreer. While I was performing, my guitar no longer had no sound. I just had put in a new battery  so that couldn't be the problem.  It was also not the cable. Wel, l then I changed again the battery, but no, still no sound....A lot of stress of course,  but fortunately  I could borrow the guitar from Martijn van Spankeren.
Next day I brought my guitar to music shop to let  the instrument be fixed.
And they called me this afternoon ....
"Annette, I do not know how to tell you ..." somebody said.
"Oh no....  there goes my very special expensive and  beautiful Taylor," I thought and I needed to sit down, already in shock..
"I spent a lot of time with your guitar, took everything out to fix it .."
Oh my god, and I already wondered how many time it should take to save for a new guitar.
 "... but I could not find anything ..",  the voice said.
"Oh,that is strange," I said, having in mind where i was gonna get the money to buy a new one...
"But ..", he continued ".. I found out what it is ..
You had put your battery in your guitar in the WRONG WAY. "

Well.. shit happens. but you don't know how happy I was that I only put this stupid battery upside down and now I got my guitar back! And I will play with my lovely bassplayer next Friday in a nice pub, we will play for more then an hour, own songs and hope to see you there watching and listening how we start the weekend! See you!
AnneTTE in Pakhuis/AMSTERDAM

HANNEKES BOOM/ Amsterdam

Hannekes Boom

...is really a great place to go. You can drink, eat and the location is very special!
You found yourself surrounded bij the rivers and they've built up the place just with useful garbage. Really special and very populair so you should make a reservation on Sundaynight to have a good dinner there.
When Mario and I arrived the bar people were very friendly, offered coffee and made us feel very welcome. We started to play at 4 PM, we had to do our own sound, but it was allright.
We played two sets, first set 50 minutes, the second 30 minutes. People upthere liked our music and the atmosphere was very relaxing. Afterwards we had a good dinner for free.

Unfortunately I forgot to take pictures of our performance but I do have a picture of myself on the toilet because I felt that I was wearing a crazy late seventies pants :))

It was hard but it went all right...

Yeah, these are the gigs, my friend...
So we had this gig at café De Doelen in the centre of Amsterdam and everything seemed to be allright. We were going to stream our performance for the first time and i was quiet excited about it.
But just when I wanted to leave home I discovered my guitar didn't make any connection with my Roland cube. I just put a new battery, the cable seemed to be allright, but my guitar refused to make any sound... And when I tried my other guitar, the sound system didn't work either.And then i was looking for my third guitar but this one I left at my school which is an hour away from centre... So I started to panic a little bit, it was already 7 pm and I had a sound check at 7.30. I called some other musicians and thank god, one of them had a guitar for me.
Had to cycle to the west but not that far. I arrived at the café at 8 pm and when I arrived I asked the barmaid for internet. But then she said: Sorry, no internet!  So that's why we couldn't do the live streaming and so I had to mail and app all my friends to tell them, but I forgot my glasses and didn't see a thing on my phone.... So I am so sorry if you didn't get the message that everything went wrong! I was pretty stressed, but  fortunallity some good friends showed up and I drank some coffee and wine and relaxed a little bit.  The soundsystem  turned out to be quit well and finally we could start playing for a nice audience.
It was a surprise that Francesco showed up with his mandoline and he played the second set with us, we had really fun together and so the night turned out to be a great night, thanks to Mario and Francesco and our friends and audience and ofcourse the nice barmaid. Always like to play at this café, so hope to be back soon.