The saxophone

When I did auditions for the Conservatory I was rejected.  My level was just not good enough to study music on this school. I felt very sad about this, but never decided to give up. There many people who were rejected in the first place, but later on they had a glorious career. But first I turned back to where I belong: the street..

Now let me tell you something more about this busking.  First, it's a very good way to make money. I earned in two houres about 60 euro's.  Second, singing in the street made me happy. I think it's a way of meditation. When I sing in the street I use my high voice and that makes me a little in trance. I watch the people who pass by and I feel connected.

Some people start to talk with me. They invite me at their homes and treat me as their special guest.

There are a few people who really don't like what I am doing, but I don't mind. I never forget an English young lady who passed me by. This was in Portugal where there use to be many poor people. She looked at me one second and she said to her friend: "Disgusting, how could she ask from Portugese people..." She was not realizing she just passed a few Portugese beggars, she didn't even look at.

People have many prejudices, they don't know how they actually condemn themselves by their ignorance.

I've met many beggars, but also many rich people. Both kinds took me to their places and showed me often their despair. Life is not always what you expected. There are many people who feel lost and that's why they were touched by my singing. They do not hear me, they hear themselves, although some of them deny their lonelyness.
There are also people who tell me they hear their youth back in the songs I sing. It makes them remember who they really are. The songs make them happy.

Though I had many times the feeling I got lost myself, I never regret the things I have done.
Now here's a picture where I am singing in the street, just by myself. It's in France and it's about one o'clock p.m. At that time nobody is outside, and the shops are closed.  A French lady is passing by. And there's nothing else. I like the silence when I stop singing. The contrast between silence and screaming is never as clear as then. A song comes and goes but the silence is always there.

My saxophone
The year after the auditions I often sang in a city in the middle of Holland: Utrecht. There I met many ordinairy people and I loved to sing for them and for myself.  My best friend Jan supported me to go on with singing and busking and I still always appriciate his encouragements.
One of these days I saw an advertisement in the library where somebody wanted to sell his saxophone. I made a very important decision: I decided to buy it. It was a tenor saxophone and I blew on it as hard as I could. After only one month I could play in C and Am and I took some lessons from a guy named Johan Huizing. He made me listen to Coltrane. I loved Coltrane, somehow I could recognize my screaming heart in his playing.

When I played the saxophone for a few months I enjoyed doing some jazzworkshops where I learned to improvise solo's.

workshop Johan Huizing

During that time I also played for a while in a funky popband which was called Trade Winds.

Trade Winds with twinbrothers André and Henry playing guitars and singer Bianca. Me and Heidi playing saxes